#143 Starting Over After DV: Monique Derouen’s Guide to Healing and New Beginnings

In this empowering episode of the Healing Through Love Podcast, we welcome Monique Derouen, a mindbody coach and somatic trauma specialist, who shares her invaluable insights on starting over after domestic violence (DV). Monique’s personal journey of leaving an abusive relationship at the age of 22, with two toddlers in tow, serves as a powerful testament to resilience and transformation. Today, she guides listeners through the steps needed to heal from trauma, rebuild self-worth, and embrace new beginnings.

Monique explains how, after experiencing DV, the path to healing begins with acknowledging the pain and understanding its root causes. She emphasizes that true healing involves addressing both physical and emotional wounds, and that our bodies hold the memories of past trauma. Through somatic practices, Monique teaches techniques to release repressed emotions and break free from the lingering effects of abuse.

In addition to healing, Monique discusses the challenges of starting over—especially when it comes to forming new, healthy relationships. She offers practical advice on how to rebuild trust in yourself and others, creating safe spaces for connection and intimacy. For those feeling isolated after leaving an abusive situation, Monique provides guidance on accessing support networks, finding therapy, and cultivating a community that nurtures growth and self-care.

Throughout the episode, Monique’s compassionate approach shines through as she shares actionable steps and strategies that have transformed her life and the lives of her clients. Whether you are currently navigating the aftermath of DV or seeking inspiration to rebuild a life of safety and fulfillment, this conversation offers hope, practical tools, and a roadmap for recovery.

Key Points from the Interview:

 1.     How to initiate the healing process after leaving a DV relationship, including practical somatic techniques.

2.     Strategies for safely starting over in relationships and rebuilding trust.

3.     Ways to access support and overcome isolation to foster personal growth and a fulfilling new beginning.

Join us and discover how to embrace a fresh start filled with safety, healing, and renewed hope.

✨ Connect with Monique:

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/monique.arnaudderouen?mibextid=kFxxJDMoniquearnaudderouen.com

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/moniquethemindbodycoach?igsh=Y2ptbzZxdXdkcDZy&utm_source=qr

YouTube: https://youtube.com/@moniquethemindbodycoach?si=cSnmFcGaMhBHd2rd

#HealingThroughLove #Dom

Transcript

Voiceover | 00:02
Welcome to another episode of Healing Through Love. Each week, we share ideas, experiences and resources to increase the awareness of domestic and family violence and to empower survivors to grow and thrive. We talk with experts who share their advice. Or with people who have experienced abuse, no matter where they are on their journey. This is all about healing through love. And now, here are your hosts. Sharlene Lynch and Rose Davidson. 

 Sharlene | 00:42
Welcome to the Healing Through Love podcast. I'm Sharlene Lynch and together we're shining a light on hope, resilience and transformation in the journey to end domestic violence. Each week we bring you an inspiring interview with changemakers, survivors, advocates and experts who are making a difference in the lives of those affected by family and domestic violence. Whether you're on your healing journey or supporting someone who is, this is a space for powerful stories, practical tools and heartfelt inspiration. Let's heal through love. I love it. Today we've got an amazing guest with us and we're going to dive in deep to everything around the body. Monique is a mind-body coach and a somatic trauma specialist that we're going to dive in and find out all about that. She advocates for personal healing and transformation. At the age of 22 with two toddlers she left her first marriage due to physical abuse. Now she helps others heal chronic pain that is caused from trauma and repressed emotions. That's fascinating. Monique teaches clients how to find the root cause of the pain, promoting over wellness and the story of resilience. I love it. Please tell us more about somatic healing. What is that and how does it work? 

 Monique | 02:06
Yeah. Thank you for having me. And I hope that what I share will be helpful to your listeners and they'll get to take a nugget home that they can apply immediately. 
 Yeah. The soma is the body. It's the physical tissue. And so imagine your entire life. Even before you were born in utero, every emotion that your mother felt. Every sound that you heard in the house. Growing up. Everything that you experience now has created little imprints in your physical tissue. And the body. Holds the memory. It holds the information. The mind has a recollection. But the tissue remembers. And so... Imagine that your body is now like a storage locker. And every... Single second you've ever spent in your life has been stored in there. And now the door doesn't close. It's overwhelmed. It's overstuffed. It's got too much. And we start getting headaches or gut issues, We have neck pain or back pain. Injuries, accidents. The body begins to break down and because there's nowhere left to put anything. And for people who've had trauma, or hard experiences through life. To be clear, every human's had trauma. Trauma is not an event. It's a separation from safety. It's a moment where we didn't have the tools or the resources to process or feel it in a safe way. Or the support that we needed. And so those moments are now impacting the physical tissue. And over time... There's a buildup. 
 And then there's too much. And the body sends us an ailment or an issue. 
 So that we know to slow down, go inside, take care of ourselves, self-care, and whatever it is that we need to do. But we've been confused and conflicted with where pain comes from. And why it's actually there. 

 Sharlene | 04:11
I love it. That separation from safety is the key point here because if you're sitting here listening today and you're going, what trauma? I haven't had trauma. We have all had an experience where we've been separated from safety. And I love how you've drawn the line between what's happening for you on a physical level, what's turning up for you physically, and now what you do is you unpack. What's holding you at that frequency? What's holding your body in that space? I love it So now how do you get them there? What is it? Is it a dance? 
 Like when you say somatic to me because I'm a belly dancer. I just think it's dancing like that's instantly where my brain goes Is it something like Feldenkrais? Is it's my small movement on the floor like the what is it that you do as far as this somatic healing process? 

 Monique | 05:02
That's a great question. There are many ways to use semantics. Dancing is one of them. 
 Right? Physical tapping on the body is one of them. Of sounds and vibrations that we use, like, and you know, just making noises. Those are all types of somatic therapies. I work with people on the computer. And we get them into their body, And we let them feel what's going on inside of their body. Versus what their mind is telling them is going right or wrong. In person, I put people on my table and I have a swing, right, where I put them in and I manipulate the tissues. As we move through stories and information, Sometimes things that they don't even remember, if they have a spot on the body that hurts or it has pain like the shoulder. And I go into it and I might ask a few questions. They'll just start telling me a story. Which is what actually made me understand that the body holds the information. Not necessarily the mind. Because when I would touch people, stuff would just come out, you know? 
 So if I'm working a shoulder, if they have shoulder pain and I has to get in there and I'm like, What are you shouldering? What's the weight that you're carrying, right? Think about what the shoulders do. They hold the weight of the world. 
 So each body part has a specific thing that it does. On an energetic and a physical level. The belly digests food. But it makes us sick to our stomach when things around us are not comfortable. Or scary or disrupted. 
 Right? And so a physical, mental and emotional are all showing up at one time. Because of what we're experiencing. And so when we work the soma, the somatic, body, we can use different techniques. 
 So To answer your question, yes, all of those things. 

 Sharlene | 06:58
I love it. Okay, so it starts with that level of awareness. 
 So we have to have a level of awareness around the challenge. And sometimes we don't have language for that. We don't even know what the problem is. There's just a thing. 
 So I is how does that work if you're working with people online if they know there's a thing but they just don't know that they have a language around the thing. 

 Monique | 07:22
Yeah. So imagine that The thoughts speak one language and the body and the emotions speak another. And there's no translator. That's my specialty. I translate the language between the two. And break it down into a simple understanding so that when we get to that root cause, now we know what it is, we can decide, do I need to hold this? Is this a protective measure? Is it keeping me safe? Is it something that I need? Or is it something that helped me at one point in time, but my brain doesn't know the difference? My pattern says I'm supposed to keep doing it this way. I need to hold on to it. And it doesn't really serve us anymore. And is there permission now to let it go and move it? 

 Sharlene | 08:07
I love that. Translate it. That is perfect. You said about that you touch. 
 So when you're working not in front of somebody. Online, do they touch themselves or do you do this energetically like you would maybe kinesiology? 

 Monique | 08:25
Yeah. So both. I can guide you through what to do. While at the same time, I'm setting the intention and holding the space with you. And because there's an awareness that the body gives us, I can tell when someone relaxes, when they're present. When they go back into an old story or their brain starts going through old information, it's kind of like looking through a file cabinet, right? You can kind of see what their body is doing during these moments. And using some of those skill sets, then I can guide them back. Into the moment. To move the pain, to shift the tissue. It might even be physically moving it on their own body themselves. It really is individualized and it depends on where you are. What you're receptive to. 
 Some people need to hear things. Some people need to feel it. 
 Some people need to do it. Some people need to write it down. And so it's activating and using all the senses that we have. Teaching you how to turn those back on and really come back home to the heart center. Back to that space of all knowing that guiding light inside of all of us that we all have access to, but some of it's been dimmed throughout our experiences. 
 So I'm teaching them how to turn that back on and really understand themselves. 

 Sharlene | 09:44
I love this. You're giving the power back to the person that you're healing, whether it's in person or online, by allowing them to see that they've got the capacity to heal and that you are merely the translator between what's happening with their body, what's happening with their mind and giving them that translation of what needs to happen so that they can, let's say, elevate, but it could be evolve to that next level of what's possible for them. And I just want to notice is, and this is just since COVID. 
 Yeah. Is that we've become very trauma aware. There's so much more trauma training so much more trauma modalities so much more trauma talk so much more normalizing trauma and i only noticed this since covid i don't know have you noticed a shift in the globally in the and how we talk about and understand trauma. 

 Monique | 10:40
Yeah. I think that we've always had grandfathers of trauma that have been in the world, right? We have some great teachers from way back that. Establish what trauma is and how it shows up. But you're right. 
 I mean, - COVID impacted every human on this earth. Everyone differently. 
 You know, some people found it Great to stay home. They had extra financial income they didn't have before. 
 Some people lost family and really suffered. Some people had the illness itself that affected them, you know, through depression. Really dark times. And I believe it was a catalyst to show us what's always been around and that we didn't tap into that we didn't access, you know, And it painted a picture in a different way for us to see. That yes, these things were hard, However, We're on the other side of it now. And I don't know if we'll ever go back to what it was like pre-COVID. I don't think that's a thing. I don't think we're going back. But I think now we have tools and resources and abilities that we didn't have before. And I think when people know better and do better, They have better and they feel better, you know? And so now it's about taking those hard times that we experienced those years that were. Kind of crazy and wild for everyone. And tying it into How can we benefit from this now? How can it move us forward? How can we heal from that pain collectively? As we evolve into the next, whatever's happening in the world. 

 Sharlene | 12:20
I'm 100%. So from what I'm hearing is it's got to do with our level of awareness. And it sounds like maybe a level of curiosity. 
 So maybe some things that we thought that's always been there. It's not a thing. And that increasing our level of curiosity about well, actually, just because my mother had that do I have to have it? Just because that's how I've always behaved? Is that how I have to move forward? And so how does the curiosity come into people moving forward with this somatic style of healing? 

 Monique | 12:55
Yeah. So, you know, there's actually a moving through the information, right? First, you have to have the awareness. I don't like this. 
 Something's not right. I want to change this. Don't want to repeat those same patterns, whatever. 
 And then there's usually a little bit of resistance or defense that comes up in us, right? It's like, yeah. Not sure. That's too hard. That's all hogwash, right? 
 Like our brain, the protective side of our brain will come in and tell us all the reasons why we shouldn't do the things. We shouldn't get the help. We shouldn't leave the situation. We shouldn't evolve. 
 And then we have to come at it from the curiosity, like you just said. What would it be like if? What would it be like if? This didn't exist in my life. What would it be like if I didn't have migraines? What would it be like if... I felt safe in my body. 
 Some people don't know what that's like because they've never experienced it. But the curiosity. Moves into The willingness to wonder more. And I think when we're in that energy, when we're in that attraction state, that vibration, that frequency of I'm curious, I wonder, I'm willing to try, I'm willing to explore. 
 You know, then we can bring it in. We can magnetize it. 
 So when we're in the pain and the discomfort and the what if. We start gathering more evidence around those spaces. 

 Sharlene | 14:29
Yeah. What can we do? Assuming the entire planet has some level of trauma, if we've got that level of awareness, but what can we do to increase our level of curiosity? 
 Like your legs swollen or your wrist aches? Awareness is easy when it's something physical and it's enough to annoy you. 
 Yeah, but how can we shift into that next level with that level of curiosity? Like what can we do those who need to be healed? 

 Monique | 15:00
Yeah. One of my favorite things to do is to realize how powerful the brain is. 
 So, yeah. Think about a pickle. 

 Sharlene | 15:10
I love pickles!. 

 Monique | 15:11
I know, right? Most people do. But when you think about a pickle, what happens in your mouth? You salivate, you have a sensation. 
 So if you're thinking about what's wrong and the pain and the discomfort, you're, Your body's going to sensation with that. So it's the willingness. I'm willing to look for how to feel better. Don't have any idea how I'll find it. Don't know how long it'll take me. But the willingness is the breaker. And the energy. 
 So imagine... An energetic, scale. Of emotions. And down at the very bottom is shame. It's like the worst. At the very top is like unconditional love. Right. And right in the middle, is willingness. It's not neutrality, it's willingness. Neutrality actually falls under willingness. You can be neutral and apathetic and just chill. But when you move into willingness, now there's an opportunity to explore. Think about childlike curiosity. Why are the clouds puffy? Why is the grass green? Why is the stove hot? 
 Like when we really come at it from that innocence, right? And the curiosity. I wonder what's really going on in my wrist. What am I shackled to? What's keeping me stuck? What am I handcuffed to? What can I not break free from? Think about what the body does. The hands hold. The belly digest, the I see. The throat voices. I have a sore throat. What can I not express? What can I not share? What am I afraid won't be received? 
 So each body part... Holds a different vibration, a different energy. 
 So if you're willing to get curious, Okay, yes, I picked up the box and it was heavy and my back hurts. But do I feel like I'm being stabbed in the back? Am I not supported? We're not safe. It's kind of being willing to explore What else could this be? 

 Sharlene | 17:48
I love it. It's so true. In my transition from who I was to who I am now, one of my favorite lines is, what's that about? 

 Monique | 17:57
Like. 

 Sharlene | 17:58
Yeah, what's that about? Just the level of curiosity to find out what is it about? And but that's, It's higher than just being neutral. It is definitely leaning into the higher frequencies and allowing us to have that level of curiosity so we can figure out, I don't know. They might know the answer. 
 Well, what's that about? I love it. I love it. I love it. 
 So there's so much in what you share. And I see now how you're out there teaching other people how to do what it is that you do, so that they can we can basically create that next level of ripple effect so that people can understand that there is this type of somatic healing where the body does hold the answers, moving past the talk therapies, and creating a new opportunity for the person themselves to become their own healer by shifting that level of awareness and then creating the curiosity and the willingness to step forward and make a difference. When we talk about talking therapies, we talk about when we're unpacking limiting beliefs and old stories that are holding you in patterns, we talk about shifting those by creating new stories. 
 So I'm curious, with somatic healing, do you do the same thing as you do in talking therapies where you're giving the body new stories, new I don't know, explain it to me. I don't understand. 

 Monique | 19:22
Yeah. Yeah. 
 I mean, you definitely want to reframe things sometimes. You want to have body awareness, like you want to know how big your body is in this space, you know, but sometimes. One of the practices that I like to work with people on is just to close your eyes for a minute. And put your hand right in the center of your heart. Where you can feel the heat of your body and you can feel the heartbeat. And as you take a breath, just imagine yourself everything dropping right into that heart center. And coming at it from a question, My heart, what do you need from me today? My heart, what do you want from me right now? And see if the heart... Can give you a response. See if the heart can give you a guidance. And this might take time. Because it's not something we normally do. We're very mindful or very in our head. We're very. Much thinkers, but humans are actually feelers who think, and we've been taught to be thinkers who feel. 
 So if we could come into the body for just a moment, And pause. And separate everything that's happening outside of us from what's happening inside of us. We often have some answers to move forward with. And so my heart, What do you want from me today? 

 Sharlene | 20:58
I love it. That's beautiful. 

 Monique | 21:00
Just feel it. Just feel the heat and the warmth and the radiation from the. The energy that's there. 

 Sharlene | 21:08
I love it. Asking our body parts what do they need. 
 Yeah. And then trusting our own level of intuition to know that we've got an answer. I love it. Yes, and most of us are in that space where we need a translator. 
 So we need you to translate what's happening in our body into, yeah, into that next level. I love that we're feelers that happen to think rather than thinkers that happen to feel. And if we can start from that level of the feeling, because that's where it all starts, isn't it? Before we can even articulate with words, it's all about the feeling. And if we can translate that, I love it. 
 So you offering a course, is that right for people who want to stop this level of anxiety and move through by using these somatic techniques. So is that an online course or is that a group program? Can you explain that a little bit more, please, Monique? 

 Monique | 22:03
Absolutely. So I have a group membership that's online. And every week we meet, we go over somatic practices, we talk about mind-body integration, and What's happening is... The people that are in the group are learning to work on their own body first. 
 And then all of a sudden it changes their marriage. Are there relationships? 
 And then it changes their children. And then it shows up in their jobs. And so as they begin to heal and unlock and change these parts of themselves that have been keeping them stuck, now they're rippling effect going out into the world. 
 So it's a generational change. Change. It's not a single person. It's affecting many people. 
 So that's one way that I work. I do live events and see people in person if they need some really deep private personal work. That's always an option. But the thing that we're really working on and I'm extremely proud to be a part of this year is that We're training other body workers. In some of these techniques that I do. 
 So that then they can go out and work with their clients. And there'll be more people on the ground teaching this So that it's a normal thing that we do. Rather than shutting down and living with pain and passing down trauma to our children, we're going to change the trajectory of humanity by doing this. And so, yeah. I am thrilled and honored to be able to work with people personally, privately, and in the group and then help train other massage therapists and body workers in doing this as well. 

 Sharlene | 23:50
I love it. I love it. It's totally on mission. My mission is to raise the frequency of the planet. I know that I can't do it by myself. But what I can do is work with enough wellness practitioners to help raise their frequency. And together we can lift and shift the frequency of the planet. Because a rising tide shifts and lifts all boats, doesn't it? I love it. I love it. I love it. Wow, I could talk to you all day. 
 Seriously. Now, there's a really great segue for the listeners. If you are a practitioner and you've got a heart for change and you want to pay it forward, healing through love create pamper days. 
 So think day spa on steroids. So what happens is our guests come into the environment and everything that they receive for that day is free. And that could be having their hair done, their makeup done, it could be somatic healing, it could be massage, it could be chakra aligning, like pick a therapy. It's all donated for free by people that are heart centered and want to hold that space for change. For these survivors. And what we get back as feedback is for many of these women, this is the only time in their life that they've felt even a level of worthwhile. And it has made such an impact on them that they've transitioned now and they come back the following year as a practitioner doing something, even if it's just washing feet. 
 So like that's powerful to see that level of change in women in such a short space of time. These global pamper days are happening everywhere in the world. And if you're interested in paying it forward and holding that space, please reach out to Healing Through Love. We've got a pamper day happening near you. Or if you want to create your own, we run an education program where we teach you how to run these pamper days so that you can leverage your level of authority and make an impact in your local community as well. That's our mission here with Healing Through Love, is to have every state and every town have their own pamper day. 
 So we're excited. I love this. I'm looking forward to having further conversations with you. I'd like to know a little bit more about what happens when you're teaching the people how to do what it is that you're doing. What does that certification look like? What does that franchise look like? What does that licensee look like? It's fantastic. If you're listening today and you are a survivor of family and or domestic violence, please reach out to Healing Through Love. We'd love to put you in contact with the next Pampa Day. We would love you to be our guest. Thank you so much, Monique. In closing, because we've been chatting for a while, could you maybe share your final words of wisdom with our listeners today? 

 Monique | 26:19
Yeah. I think one of the things that I learned through the entire journey of where I came from to where I am now is that Healing is a choice. And Some of us have been handed... A bad deck of cards. That's real. But We can shuffle them. We can heal. We can move through. We can change the generational patterns. And I know that sometimes it feels hopeless and helpless. And so that's where I would really invite people to reach out, connect, Find somebody that you relate to. And just get the next step, just one thing that can move you. Because when we take one step forward, we can keep going. 
 So, yeah. That would be my hope for anyone who's struggling or suffering is to know that healing is a choice. And if you're willing to explore. What that looks like. You're going to naturally begin to move in the direction to heal. 

 Sharlene | 27:22
I love it. Thank you so much for joining us today. That's a goodbye from me and a goodbye from Monique. 

 Voiceover | 27:32
Thank you for joining us for this episode of Healing Through Love. You can get further resources See the show notes or simply reach out to us via our website at htlaustralia.org. Thanks so much for joining us and we look forward to your company next time on the Healing Through Love podcast.