#155 Break Free from Love Addiction with Azadeh Atzberger

Have you ever loved someone so deeply that you lost yourself in the process?

In this episode of the Healing Through Love Podcast, Azadeh Atzberger—a three-time bestselling author and the founder of Finally Free Life—joins Sharlene Lynch to dive deep into the reality of love addiction and why so many women stay stuck in cycles of unhealthy relationships.

Azadeh’s personal story of surviving domestic and sexual abuse, addiction, and emotional co-dependency forms the heart of this inspiring conversation. As the creator of The 12 Steps for Narcissistic Abuse Recovery, she’s on a mission to help women break free from toxic love, set emotional boundaries, and protect their peace.

Together, we explore:

• What love addiction looks like and how it forms
• Why emotional boundaries are crucial to healing
• How to shift from survival mode to self-love and sovereignty

Whether you’re healing from heartbreak or navigating your next chapter, Azadeh’s wisdom will empower you to stop over-giving and start choosing yourself first.

This isn’t just an episode—it’s a life-altering conversation for women who are ready to release old patterns and embrace the love they truly deserve.

🎧 Listen now and discover the freedom that comes when you love yourself more.

💡 Three Key Takeaways:

1. How to Identify Love Addiction – Recognize signs of emotional over-investment and dependency in relationships.
2. Mastering Emotional Boundaries – Learn tools to set healthy limits and avoid falling into toxic cycles.
3. Choosing Peace Over Chaos – Discover the power of self-love, healing, and protecting your inner peace.

✨ CONNECT WITH AZADEH

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100014842724603

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/breakfree_riseandrebuild/

Website: https://finallyfreelife.com/

📍 PROMOTION: 

https://finallyfreelife.com/book-coaching/

♥ ♥

Transcript

Sharlene | 00:00
I'm excited to share with you today's beautiful story. Wow, we dive in deep to understand narcissistic control. How do you get there? How do you stay there? How do you get away? And we unpack how to work from being a survivor all the way through to thriving and then stepping forward in your own power. To write your own book. Join us for a beautiful conversation. You're going to love this. 

 Voiceover | 00:26
Welcome to another episode of Healing Through Love. Each week, we share ideas, experiences and resources to increase the awareness of domestic and family violence and to empower survivors to grow and thrive. We talk with experts who share their advice. Or with people who have experienced abuse, no matter where they are on their journey. This is all about healing through love. And now, here are your hosts. Sharlene Lynch and Rose Davidson. 

 Sharlene | 01:04
Welcome to the Healing Through Love podcast. I'm Sharlene Lynch and together we're shining a light on hope, resilience and transformation in a journey to end domestic violence. Each week we bring you inspiring interviews with changemakers, survivors, advocates and experts. Who are making a difference in the lives of those affected by family and domestic violence. Whether you're on a healing journey or you're supporting someone who is, this is a space for powerful stories, practical tools and heartfelt inspiration. Let's heal through love. I'm very excited today. We've got a very special guest with us and her name is Azadeh Asperger. Say that twice, I'm going to keep practicing it. She is a distinguished three times bestselling author and esteemed founder of Finally Free Life. It sounds absolutely fascinating and I can't wait to dive in. Serving as a transformational life coach and couples coach. I want to know more. Renowned as a visionary behind the 12 steps for narcissistic abuse recovery. She draws from her own journey as a trauma survivor of domestic abuse. And sexual abuse and a triumphant conqueror of addiction. I love this. She has her profound passion lies in empowering individuals to navigate trauma and find the freedom to manifest the lives they inspire to lead. Love this. We are sisters. I've now been sober 10 years and that's after three decades of addiction. 
 So let's talk about, if you're okay to, talk about the story that got you here. 

 Azadeh | 02:45
Thank you so much for having me. It is an honor and a privilege to share my story with you. Thank you for the introduction. 
 So my story is, and congratulations on 10 years of sobriety. The BIG! Big deal. And in December, I took 23 years. And, Yeah, I get to say I didn't drink or do drugs in my 30s, 40s and now 50s. 
 So my story has, Ooh, I didn't expect that emotion to come up. My story scares me, Sharlene. My story... Frightens me. But I will share it. Because It has to make sense. My story of abuse... If it's not shared. Then it's hidden. And it's giving... Power to the abuser. 
 So. I will share with you My time with the abuser. Was horrific, like all of us that have suffered from domestic violence. And I think about... All I ever wanted All I ever needed. All I ever hoped for, what I really wanted in that relationship was to be loved and to be seen and heard. I really did. We talked about loving you know, girl stuff and having fun with girly stuff and being feminine. But in that relationship, I wanted love. I wanted A connection. I craved it. And what I got was. Mental psychological abuse I got emotional abuse I was betrayed. He had I had found I'll just name the big ones. That almost took me out. Was During our intimate sexual times, he was recording them. I didn't know. He was recording other woman when I was not with him sexually. He lied to me and said that he could not. Get me pregnant because he had a bisectomy. He swore up and down and here I am pregnant. Into his laughter of how he got me pregnant and He thought it was a joke and that it was funny. And when I threatened to not have his child, he held me hostage. He held me hostage. Doing drugs in front of me as I was withdrawing from the drugs and not giving it to me. It had become All of a sudden, what he had done to me was an attempt and an assistance to take me to his next level of games, of abusive dark games. And... After four days of being... Kidnapped in his home, not Able to leave the house, I found a way to find my keys and run out the door. And when I ran out the door, I remember fire logs. Coming at my side because he saw that I left and he was literally 10 feet behind me. And all I could think about is getting that key inside that car to get away from him. And the fire logs were, I could hear them in the wind passing through my ear. I don't know how they didn't hit me, but they hit my car. And all I could think about was just to get my keys in the car and to leave. Now, prior to this incident, This particular time, he had hit me, smacked me. Roomie. But now the kidnapping was at his next level and his next game. And I did get in the car and I did leave. I want to tell you, Sharlene and our viewers, that I never went back. But I went back. And for our viewers and our listeners, this... Going back. Is almost robotic because you are in such a strong bond And it's a chemical and physical Bond. That keeps you from, it makes you go back. It's so when anybody says, Are you dumb? Why did you go back? Those aren't your people. Those are not. People that are ignorant and arrogant and have no understanding. 
 So I went back not knowing I was in a deep trauma bond. Just to do more drugs with him, just to be with him more, just to understand what was happening. Because the thing I didn't understand was that how can someone you love turn on you this way? How? When you didn't do anything. And even if you did something, how can this be? I was more... Shocked of who the monster that came out versus who I thought He was. And I went back and ultimately, Another occasion when I tried to leave And get out of the car. At another incident, he broke a beer bottle in my face. And I went to the hospital and the police were called on him. They slapped a restraining order on him. But I still went back. I went back and I didn't know whose behavior to be more shocked about. Mine? Or his. Who goes back to such horror. Who goes back? Am I sadistic? Why would I do this? And When I was in the hotel room with them doing all these drugs and all the drinking. He was. 
 Totally trying to break my brain by psychologically abusing me telling me things that are happening that are not happening, things that I came with like shoes that I didn't because he was hiding my shoe, he was just playing all these games, and I found the strength. Sharlene. To barefoot in a long t-shirt walk to a payphone because this is how long ago it was and ask for help. But I didn't have the means to get to this shelter, to this place where I could get sober and away from him. They said I had a bed there, but I didn't have a car. I didn't even have shoes because somehow I came with shoes and now I don't have shoes. And, I went back to the hotel room and I told him, hey, listen. My mom has left $200 for me to get out of her life. And she's done, no more money, no more hurt. I'm kicked out, but she's leaving me this last 200. Can you drive me there? And we'll have more money for another hotel room and more drugs. That was my plan. And he said, yes. 
 So he drove me there. 'Cause I didn't even know how to get home. I didn't even have bus money. There was no way. And I was at least 40 minutes of a drive from my house. And I was barefoot and he drove me home. And that's when I knew this was my ticket. I jumped the fence, went inside the house, and I knew that this was going to be it. I called my mom and I asked her to take me to the shelter where I could get sober and get away from him. And I told him, cause he's now calling the house. I told him that, listen, The cops are coming. You better get out of here. And when my mom came home, he left. And my mom came home and took me to a shelter. Did I completely stay away from him? No. Even in the shelter, I called him. Because I was withdrawing from the drugs and I was withdrawing from him. And he came. And the counselor there said to me, Azadeh, That's who I think it is, isn't it? I said yes. And she said, you have literally three seconds to decide. Do you want to live or die? And if you want to live, he leaves without you. But if you want to die, you leave with them. And in that moment, I had a moment of strength that I knew was going to go away. Any at any second and I told him he's got to go and I turned around and walked inside that house and I stayed and I asked the people there to help me hold me. Help me not go back to drugs, the streets and him, please. And I stayed. For 90 days, Sharlene. And I was loved and I was cared for and I wept. And I cried and I was scared, but I didn't want to leave now. Now I was in a shelter where I was loved and a sober sisters and people that cared about me and loved me and they didn't want to leave me and I didn't want to leave them. But I was so afraid to leave that shelter because I didn't know if I'd see him, what was going to happen. If I was I almost was more afraid of him. 
 I mean, not as much afraid of him as I was of myself because I didn't trust myself. Now, I had lost self-control and self-trust 100 percent because I'd gone back to the horror show that I originally escaped from. What was in me? That was doing that and I didn't know that was a trauma bond. 
 So I got a support group, right? I got a support group, Sharlene, and stayed sober, started getting healing. They're growing. 
 You know, There's more ins and outs of that story, but I give you guys The big... Hearts. Of what changed my life forever. 

 Sharlene | 13:16
It's so true that we go back and it's 100% correct that the people around us that don't really get it, the first thing they say is don't go back, but they don't understand what's created in that moment and why we need to go back. So 100%. 
 So my question is, what happened with the pregnancy? So I'm like still hanging. Did you go ahead with it? Is everything okay? How old's the child? 
 Like, tell me. 

 Azadeh | 13:43
Yeah, I, I aborted the child. I was so scared because And I know these are trigger topics, but My parents had told me if I ever get pregnant, they would shun me. And so... I needed my parents and I was scared of him. 
 So I went. To a Planned Parenthood. And aborted the child. 

 Sharlene | 14:12
Bye. Now at the other side of this you've grown and expanded you've unpacked what it took to get you where you are and you've written a beautiful book. You've written several books. What was the first of the books that you've written and was that more about your journey? 

 Azadeh | 14:29
Yeah, the first, thank you. The first book I wrote is called Using Food to Cope with Codependency. 
 You see, I'm going to give you some back end on that, Sharlene, is that I stayed sober, but I didn't really do the healing right away. So I switched addictions from alcohol and drugs to food. Right. And so I was still not completely healed. And so that was what my first book was because I, you know, I switched. 
 And then as I grew older. Then I wrote adult children of narcissistic abuse, narcissistic parents. 
 And then... My third book I co-authored is I'm a counselor. I co-authored with a victim of narcissistic abuse. 
 And then my fourth book is the workbook that helps people heal as a journey of from their own home. They can't afford a doctor, therapist, coach, and they just really want to dive in and purge out the violations of the abuser, it's a really good way. It uproots pain and so that you can transcend it. 

 Sharlene | 15:48
I hear what you're saying. If I look back at my stories, several of my perpetrators have been narcissists. Yes. And outside of that, in a working environment, I've had more than a few narcissists in my environment. And I didn't know, even though I dealt with them on a relationship basis and got myself out of that I still didn't understand why. The narcissists that were in front of me and how it was partly my challenge as to why I was still playing their game. 
 So like that was a huge shift for me to realize that on one level or another. I was inviting them in because of my own behaviour, because of how I felt about myself, and how I just latched onto their level of certainty and clarity, because I didn't have it in myself. 
 So yeah, powerful conversations in and around narcissism. Yes, and Where does the buck stop? It sort of stops with us, doesn't it? They're going to do what they're going to do. We can't change their behavior, but we can choose not to be in their proximity and have that level of awareness around their behavior. 
 So wow, that sounds like a fantastic book and a must read. I love it. I love it. 
 So what's next for you moving forward? In 2025, we've got some huge energetic shifts that have already happened and there's more to come. What's in it for you? What are you doing moving forward? 

 Azadeh | 17:17
- Yeah, I work with... Work with woman in narcissistic abuse and as you read I So beautifully, I work with couples. Obviously, they both have to be willing. I don't, if I see a sign of a narcissist, I don't work with them. 
 And then helping authors now. To Write their story. Get their DNA in words. That's become my new and most beautiful shift in my work is helping authors. To write and empower them. And it's not just abused victims, it's anybody, but that's, you know, I want to help women that have been abused to rise, maybe even be a speaker as I am a public speaker, help them be a speaker to talk, to share, to write and get their message out there. Because we do the healing, but then when we take it to the next level of trying to impact the world and raise awareness, then the abuse somehow makes sense. It just somehow can make sense in our mind. 
 So that's what I'm doing. 

 Sharlene | 18:33
That's powerful. So this is in-house publishing and people come to you to go through the process of writing the book and then you help them publish. Is that right? 

 Azadeh | 18:42
That's right. A through Z. They can show up whether the book is written, partly written, never written. I'll take them wherever they are and we take it all the way to the end and publish it. Design, edit, create, upload to Amazon, all of it. 

 Sharlene | 18:57
I love it. I love it. Just out of curiosity, being the business coach, business strategist that I am, how are you using AI in this process at all? 

 Azadeh | 19:08
Yes, some. Yes. Mostly... I because I have found such a internal rewards by navigating my inner world and connecting it to the words that match it. I guide my brand new authors to do that as well. But if they want to use AI and if that's what they want, then we do what they want. Because my publishing is all about connecting to your power within, your choice, what feels right for you. Whatever feels right for them. That's what I want to shine the light on and highlight. 

 Sharlene | 19:51
I love it. What a transition from a woman who was in a broken environment and you've survived. And now you've made that impact yourself. First of all, replacing one addiction with another, and now then stepping into your own power and getting rid of all addictions. And now being in a space where you can make a difference for others, counsel them, written four books. And now you're in a space where you're holding other people, you know, beautifully in your hands so that they can write their story and they can stand up. In their own power and they can shift things you know, the processes for others as well. And I think we're on the same page here. As I say, you know what, together we're shifting and lifting the frequency of the planet. And I love what it is that you do. I feel I could talk to you all day and we probably could. 
 So we're going to have you back as a guest later on during the year to uncover what's happening next for you. But just... Just in final words, what is your final words of wisdom to our audience today? 

 Azadeh | 20:54
I would say Whether you're leaving an abuser, Whether you're in the middle of a process of healing, Whether you left the abuser and you're alone now and think, Am I ever going to find love? Those are the three hardest places to be. But I want to say don't give up. Don't give up on yourself and keep pushing through. Pain is the admission to a new life. Never, ever give up. Never, ever give up and don't go back. Don't go back. Even if everything in you says, This time will be different. The trauma bond is lying to you. Don't go back. 

 Sharlene | 21:39
That is so powerful. Thank you so much for sharing that. If you're listening today and you're a survivor of family and or domestic violence, reach out to Healing Through Love. We conduct pamper days, think day spa on steroids, where we have hairdressers, makeup artists, we have beauticians doing facials, people doing chakra aligning, you name it. We have 25 different practitioners hold the space for you all for free so that you can see your true worth. And if you're listening today and you are a practitioner, you've got a gift and you want to hold that space for one day, just one day in your busy year please reach out to Healing Through Love we are now global and we have these pamper days all around the world we would love to connect with you that's a goodbye from us at Healing Through Love and a goodbye from you thanks as a day. 

 Azadeh | 22:27
Thank you, Sharlene. 

 Voiceover | 22:32
Thank you for joining us for this episode of Healing Through Love. You can get further resources See the show notes or simply reach out to us via our website at htlaustralia.org. Thanks so much for joining us and we look forward to your company next time on the Healing Through Love podcast.