#163 Unmasking Financial Abuse: Australia's Silent Epidemic with Michael de Haan

How does financial abuse silently infiltrate relationships, and what can be done to combat it?

In this eye-opening episode of the Healing Through Love Podcast, host Sharlene Lynch sits down with Michael de Haan, a seasoned financial planner turned certified money coach and accredited Financial Abuse Specialist. Michael sheds light on the pervasive issue of financial abuse in Australia, where 1 in 6 women and 1 in 13 men experience economic abuse by an intimate partner. (IGTO)

Drawing from over two decades in financial planning, Michael discusses how financial abuse often serves as a control mechanism in relationships, frequently preceding other forms of abuse. He emphasizes the importance of early detection and education, not only for potential victims but also for financial service providers who can play a crucial role in identifying and supporting those affected.

Listeners will gain valuable insights into:

• Recognizing the subtle signs of financial abuse
• Understanding the impact of financial control on victims
• Strategies for reclaiming financial independence
• The role of financial institutions in preventing abuse

Michael also shares resources and support pathways available for victims, aiming to empower individuals to take control of their financial wellbeing. This episode is a must-listen for anyone seeking to understand the dynamics of financial abuse and how to foster a supportive environment for those affected. 

✨ CONNECT WITH MICHAEL

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/michael-de-haan/

Website: https://quantumleap-global.com

♥ ♥

Transcript

Voiceover | 00:02
Welcome to another episode of Healing Through Love. Each week, we share ideas, experiences and resources to increase the awareness of domestic and family violence and to empower survivors to grow and thrive. We talk with experts who share their advice. Or with people who have experienced abuse, no matter where they are on their journey. This is all about healing through love. And now, here are your hosts, Sharlene Lynch and Rose Davidson. 

 Sharlene | 00:42
Welcome to the Healing Through Love podcast. I'm Sharlene Lynch and together we're shining a light on hope, resilience and transformation in the journey to end domestic violence. Each week we bring you inspiring interviews with change makers, survivors, advocates and experts who are making a difference in the lives of those affected by domestic and family violence. Whether you are healing, or you're supporting someone who's on the healing journey, this is your space for powerful stories. Practical tools and heartfelt inspiration. Let's heal through love together. Today we've got an amazing guest. Michael has over 25 years’ experience and he doesn't look that old so he must have started when he was two in financial planning and over the last five years, he's become a certified money coach. 
 So I'd love to unpack what that's about Michael and how is that different than financial planning. He's identified behaviours and beliefs that hold people back from living their best life. Lives and over the last year Michael has been researching the hidden epidemic of financial abuse and I'm excited to say that his book will be released this year. I'm very excited to dive in and ask more questions about that. Welcome to the stage Michael, how are you? 

 Michael | 01:59
- Really good, thank you for having me, I'm excited. 

 Sharlene | 02:03
It's such a privilege and a pleasure. Okay, what is the difference between a financial planner and a financial coach? 

 Michael | 02:09
That's a really good question because I'm a financial planner, you're just looking at their investments. So you're trying to take them from A to B. In regard to retirement planning, whatever their goals are. But on the behavioural side, you're digging a bit deeper about their relationship with money. That I brought up around money. 
 Yeah. And 90% of the clients that I coach or look after, They're anxious around money. They suppress their feelings and beliefs around money. And a lot of that's to do with the way they're brought up. Around money. Money can be quite controlling and it can create behaviours that mightn't serve the person. 
 So, again, looking, doing a deeper dive in regard to, what they feel about money, the emotional side around money, the behaviours, how's that showing up in their life. And we find a lot of people that they actually make poor decisions about money, but it's not deliberate. It's really, I suppose, a behaviour that they've had for many years and how they're brought up. And it's really changing that behaviour and, given them the opportunity to live their best life, which is amazing. 

 Sharlene | 03:18
I love it, Michael. You're speaking my language. I managed to develop a multi-level marketing business to a million dollars and I thought, yeah, this is pretty good. 
 And then I continued and I sabotaged it. I tore it to shreds. I pulled it apart. And It's funny when I got there I'm like wow how did I do this and then the stories and everything that was holding me in that space you know I just in hindsight just saw a series of behaviours that obviously lead back to my youth and lead back to the times when I was in a challenging relationship and yeah it became a self-fulfilling prophecy. 
 So this is true. So if you're listening today and you're already, you know, you're in a space where you're having some financial success, this is still work to do because, you know, you might be all right at a million dollars, but how are you going to feel at 50 million? 
 Like on every level, stuff changes and shifts. Every time you have a next level of iteration of yourself. I love it. Michael, let's unpack this. 
 So I'm just absolutely fascinated. I'm a recovered accountant. 
 So it's a fascinating subject to me. So how do we identify that there's challenges with our behaviours with money? 

 Michael | 04:40
And I think it's really sort of understanding what your future life wants to be. So it's really having a clear vision. I don't think a lot of people like going back to the financial planning industry but ask a question, what do you want to retire on? 
 So you need $3 million and they go, well, okay. And there's no emotion there. It's really, connecting with self. And say, what do you want your life to look like? In five to 10 years. What do you love doing? Where do you live? What are you going to be learning? What's your legacy? It's really bringing the emotion where people can actually see and vision and feel. The future. And they get excited. I actually go, I've seen it. I want to live it. 
 And then you can create the habits, you can create the patterns to support them to achieve that. 

 Sharlene | 05:32
I love this. You're speaking my language. It's the first step in the shift process. See the big picture. I love this. I love this. Okay. As a woman, myself as a survivor of a family and domestic violence and particularly financial abuse, I've been able to do a lot of things. I didn't know what I didn't know and I wasn't even though I was a qualified accountant I still didn't have the level of education around my own money and around what was okay what level does it become control and what level is it just support and I and because I didn't feel amazing about myself I handed over the authority to others to manage because obviously didn't know what I was doing. 
 So but I did, but I didn't. So like, how could I have known a little bit more about these red flags that you talk of? And listeners, I'm excited to let you know that we'll be letting you have access to a checklist of red flags in and around financial abuse. 
 So let's unpack that, Michael. 

 Michael | 06:33
And I think the first thing to understand is what is financial abuse? Because I think that's a really good question. And I think that what's. I suppose it's not really recognised in regard to exactly what it is. And it really is a form of coercive control from one partner, to control the money, the financial resources, and keeping the other partner locked in a relationship. 
 So it's a very powerful tool. For a perpetrator. To keep a victim in a relationship that's not healthy, that's abusive. 
 So that, in a sense, is what it is. And I went. I'll talk about red flags in a moment, but I just wanted to talk to you about what we're seeing out there and the stats in regard to the impact of financial abuse. It's truly a hidden epidemic in Australia. To address. And I don't think the government's doing enough to address that. 
 So, We look at the stats from ABS, Australian Bureau of Statistics, one in six women, and victims. Of financial abuse. 
 So that's 16%. The fit 1.6 million women. Victims of financial abuse. And it's predominantly women. Men are affected as well. It's one in 13. Men are affected by financial abuse. Money is just a sense of power. It's a sense of control. And it's really understanding. How that shapes in a relationship and unfortunately the perpetrators are very good at what they do. 
 So you might start a relationship and it's all blossoming like you're so much in love, everything's going fine, and then just slowly... The perpetrator. Starts taking away that control around your finances. And generally it's to do with isolation and other forms of abuse, emotional abuse, which really starts bringing down your self-esteem. Isolation, which you don't reach out to your friends anymore. You don't feel well, your self-esteem's gone. 
 So it really starts off financial abuse. But it's prevalent in over 95% of cases of violence. In particular against women. That's where my passion lies. If we can actually educate, create awareness... And support people to identify, I think I might be a victim of financial abuse, or I'm seeing these red flags happening to me. And if you can identify that before it goes to other forms of abuse, And then ideally you're safer. And ideally you're not going to be in a situation where a lot of women find themselves in. 

 Sharlene | 09:21
It's so true. When I was in the thick of it all, I didn't know I had a problem, though. I didn't know this was control. I didn't have anything to compare it to. And that's part of the challenge. And it wasn't until... I felt comfortable to have a conversation with a friend about, you know, about something in and around money. 
 And then that's when I got some feedback that, hey, do you know what? That's actually not normal. 
 So even if you're listening today and you have got people around you that maybe it's our job just to have the conversations because fun, you know, funny money is funny and finances are funny and like as in politics and sex and all the other things that we do religion as well that we don't talk about as openly as other things. But you know, I think that's part of how they keep the control, is it's about subjects that we wouldn't ordinarily talk about. 
 Yeah, like what could be some of the questions that we could ask people or what are the some things that we could talk about? How could we, what could be conversation openers that we could talk about that are safe, that could help us get to a point where we can see if there's something wrong and we can help somebody? 

 Michael | 10:38
Yeah, I think you do going out with your girlfriend as an example, and she's on a tight budget. So... Her partner might just give her allowance, which really doesn't meet her living needs. 
 So she finds it sort of hard. Go without things, you'll be able to pick up on that fairly quickly. You'll say that. When you're talking about financially, you know, superannuation, whatever, they don't. Know where the financial assets are for the family. They don't have an understanding. That's what keeps them locked in a relationship. I think. A big one and it's to do with domestic violence, not necessarily financial abuse, but part of it is the partner checking up on them. Where have you been, when are you coming home, you know, how long are you staying out for, having that sort of control again, they don't really want. To take them out there talking to their friends. It certainly concerns them. 
 So I think that side of it and just having a really understanding of what do they know about their money, you know, even in regard to work, like is there talking about work and I might say to you like, what's your dream job? And you might say, I want to be a chef, but my husband you know, it doesn't like me. In that industry, so I'm doing this. That's a real good opportunity to delve a bit deeper and go, so how does that impact your Now, what's the reason why your husband won't let you go down that pathway. 
 So again, that's a controlling around money, controlling around your jobs, controlling around where you can work. 

 Sharlene | 12:22
I am, it brings me back to when I was in a financially controlling relationship and I just said to people, I don't need to worry about that. He takes care of those sorts of things for me. It was like almost a badge of honour that I'd convinced myself, look, I don't need to worry about the little things because he takes care of those and the little things were the money. 
 So it's fascinating how when we're in the thick of it, we create different stories to make it okay. And it's not until we're out the other side that we go hang about I didn't even know what was going on there I didn't even know what the bills were or what situation my super was in or anything like that so I love this okay so there's conversations that we can have with our friends there's things that we can do ourselves so if you're listening to today you know is this list is there a list of things that you can tick off to say that you've got control or at least a level of awareness around your money so what would that what would be on that list Michael so superannuation what the bills are what else. 

 Michael | 13:28
Yeah, I think having your own money, having your own bank accounts. Is really critical and call it a safekeeping fund, call it whatever you want, an escape fund, whatever. And you have the passwords. It's securely. Yours so it's not like I’m with my wife i know her password she knows all mine i only use one I use mine for everything. I shouldn't say that, but - I did. The biggest one is staying connected and you said that before and that's so important. Because that is the isolation part. 
 And then the emotional toll in regard to you're not worthy, you know, your friends don't like you anymore. It's just so important. Keep your friends around you because they'll tell you, they'll see you. But if you actually, take that away from them and you're not talking to them, they'll just drop off like anything so that's just so important keep a check on your bank accounts Maybe check on what's going on. And one of my biggest tips is like there's so many couples go in to get either credit, loans, credit cards, whatever. And the victim doesn't really know that they're signing or It's not really explained to them exactly what it is. You'll see many times when a couple will go to a banker and one person will do all the talking. And we still haven't captured in the financial service industry make sure that if there's someone that's quieter, or not really understanding or not feeling comfortable in that situation or being talked over. It is our role to make sure that they fully understand for the game to sign, if they're going to sign. What that means in regard to the risk side of it and I think we've got to do a lot of work in regard to that. And that's empowerment. And it might even be not bringing it up at the meeting, But just having that inkling that something's not right and checking in with the pick them after the meeting just saying look just want to go through just to make for my own piece of mind that you understood what you were signing up for what we what you're doing so. 

 Sharlene | 15:42
It's so true look we've seen in since 2018 since healing through love started we've seen women come to us and they've been made bankrupt like they didn't even carry the debt but the but everything was in their name So that at the end of the day, when the relationship was over, they're the ones that have become bankrupt, not the partner. So we've seen them signing documents that they didn't read. And, you know, there is a degree of maybe financial illiteracy happening there. However, coerced into signing documentation where they've been guarantor for not even their children's... Houses. 
 So like they're now in a financial situation where they're bound to something. So the list is huge, in fact. 
 Yeah. So what, like this, what else can people watch out for? 

 Michael | 16:36
Well, I think it is just having that awareness, having the team around you, even having an escape plan if need be. So understanding the avenues that you can contact and I can share that with you. Later, like 1-800-RESPECTS, one of them, but there are a number of organizations that you can reach out because it's you feel unsafe And we look at the... And I'm ashamed as a middle-aged white man, you look at the stats of homeless women, aged over 50, is, biggest growth cohort of homelessness in Australia. And you hit it on the head there so women are leading these relationships mainly for safety They're leaving assets behind. There was debt that they didn't know about, guarantors that they didn't know about. They didn't have a lot in superannuation because they might have looked after the children. They're out on the street with $40,000 in superannuation and they're Nothing in the bank account, no food, no... That clothing and This is really just that, as I said, you know, have your bank account, have something put away for you. And you might just chip money away into that and build it up slowly. 
 So again, depending on the control side of it, because the number one is to feel safe. Just having that, making sure that you've got all your passports and all your documentation - The value of. With some friends there, photocopies, whatever. Having some peace of mind that if you need to leave your relationship that you've got some money so i do the government have got some support there as well but there is somewhere to go. And you're not doing it all by yourself. There are support around it. 
 So I did through that. 

 Sharlene | 18:28
Well, Michael, it's so true. It is so isolating and it's just another form of control. 
 So I Okay, so Michael has got a checklist and this is a financial abuse and it's red flags, things to watch out for. So we're going to put the link for that in the show notes and the show description. And keep an eye out for financial abuse, the hidden epidemic, which is going to be released this year. 
 So we're very excited because when we know more, we can do more, we can help others and we can just be advocates and have the conversation. And be aware isn't that interesting and maybe ask some additional questions and it might be a book that you might want to hand to them to read as well I love it so Michael just in closing today what would be your final words of wisdom to our audience. 

 Michael | 19:22
Mine is awareness. Yeah, just if you're not away. And since I've taken this financial abuse and I'm an ambassador now, the amount of people that I'm speaking with on a daily basis that don't understand financial abuse. And it's not their fault. It's for us to have that awareness. The education is for government. To have a lot of support. It's all the financial institutions to really support unusual transactions or meeting with clients and once I'm speaking up so Awareness is powerful. 
 And then having the education going, I'm seeing this behaviour, It's up to me now. To change it because I'm not going down that path. 

 Sharlene | 20:10
That's so powerful, Michael. Thank you. And together we can make a difference by having these conversations. And it starts by us being aware. If you're listening today and you are a survivor of family and or domestic violence, reach out to Healing Through Love. We have Pamper Days, think day spa on steroids that we run all over Australia and they're free for survivors to come. We have 25 different practitioners ranging from hairdressers, beauticians. We have chakra lining. We have financial advisors there as well and we usually have the police and other groups, Al-Anon and a few of the others there to support us and offer that education piece as well. If you're listening today and you are a practitioner, you have got a heart for change and you really want to make a difference to what's happening in this world, is reach out to Healing Through Love because we're looking to connect you with organizers of these Healing Through Love Pamper Days. And we're now global as of 2023. We're now global, we're all around the world. And we're so excited that this year. We have, Healing Through Love, been nominated for a Global Peace Ambassador Award for the work that we do educating others how to run these beautiful pamper days. It's been such a privilege and a pleasure, thank you Michael, to connect today and talk all things finance. As a recovered accountant, I find it all very fascinating. And even myself with the education that I had, I still managed to fall into a relation, well many relationships, where financial abuse was real. And it held me in that lower frequency, and it held me in a relationship for much longer than I needed to be there. 
 So I'm looking forward to reading the book when it's released. That's very exciting, Michael. That's a goodbye from us at Healing Through Love and goodbye from Michael. Bye for now. 

 Voiceover | 22:03
Thank you for joining us for this episode of Healing Through Love. You can get further resources See the show notes or simply reach out to us via our website at htlaustralia.org. Thanks so much for joining us and we look forward to your company next time on the Healing Through Love podcast.