#167 From Grief to Grace: Debbie Simmons' Journey of Healing

What does it take to transform unimaginable grief into a legacy of hope?

In this heartfelt episode of the Healing Through Love Podcast, we welcome Debbie Simmons, a woman whose life story is a testament to resilience, faith, and the transformative power of love. Debbie shares her journey from the depths of personal loss to the heights of purpose-driven leadership.

At the heart of Debbie's story is the profound loss of her quadruplets—a tragedy that could have left her in despair. Instead, she chose to channel her grief into action, founding Anchor Point, a faith-based nonprofit dedicated to supporting women and families in crisis. Through counselling, education, and community support, Anchor Point has become a beacon of hope for thousands.

Debbie's journey didn't stop there. She and her husband opened their hearts and home to nine children from trauma backgrounds, embracing the challenges and joys of adoption. Her experiences have equipped her with unique insights into trauma-informed parenting and the importance of building a supportive community.

In our conversation, Debbie discusses:

• The pivotal moments that led her from grief to grace.
• The founding and mission of Anchor Point.
• The realities and rewards of adopting children from trauma backgrounds.
• Practical advice for those navigating loss or considering adoption.

Debbie's story is not just about overcoming adversity; it's about the intentional steps we can take to build a meaningful legacy. Her faith and determination offer a roadmap for anyone seeking to turn their pain into purpose. (thedebbiesimmons.com)

Join us for this inspiring conversation and discover how you, too, can find healing and purpose in the aftermath of loss.

📩 CONNECT WITH DEBBIE

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/thedebbiesimmons/

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/thedebbiesimmons/

Website: https://www.thedebbiesimmons.com

Website: https://www.anchorpoint.us

📌 PROMOTION https://thedebbiesimmons.com/the-heart-of-legacy/

♥ ♥

Transcript

Voiceover | 00:02
Welcome to another episode of Healing Through Love. Each week, we share ideas, experiences and resources to increase the awareness of domestic and family violence and to empower survivors to grow and thrive. We talk with experts who share their advice. Or with people who have experienced abuse, no matter where they are on their journey. This is all about healing through love. And now, here are your hosts. Sharlene Lynch and Rose Davidson. 

 Sharlene | 00:42
Welcome to the Healing Through Love podcast. I'm Sharlene Lynch and together we're shining a light on hope, resilience and transformation in the journey to end domestic violence. Each week we bring you inspiring interviews with change makers, survivors, advocates and experts who are making a difference in the lives of those affected by domestic and family violence. Whether you're on a healing journey yourself or you're assisting and supporting someone who is, this is your space for powerful stories, practical tools and heartfelt inspiration. Let's heal through love. This week we've got an amazing guest, Debbie Simmons. Now she is a not-for-profit leader. She's a speaker and a mother of... 13, nine through adoption and four forever in heaven. Wow, so we're gonna dive in and have a conversation about that story. With over 14 years of experience in ministry and not-for-profit leadership, Debbie is the founder and the CEO of Anchor Point, a faith-based organization that provides hope and healing to women and families navigating crisis, trauma, and unexpected pregnancies. It's fantastic to have you here today, Debbie. How did you get where you are? 

 Debbie | 01:58
That's a great question. And what I like to tell people is like buckle your seatbelt. It's going to be a fun little ride real quick. And so we're going to go on a little bit of a journey. But what I want to tell you is that I have the wonderful privilege of coming alongside. People who are struggling with all of the things that you just listed and some tips that I have been given and picked up along the ways I hope will be something that they can grab a hold of today and really help them on their journey. 
 So mine's not exactly domestic abuse, but I think we can always learn from people's stories. And so my story, if you want to know the behind the scenes piece is that I had wanted to be a young grandma. And so in my mind, I knew that to be a young grandma, that I had to figure out who I was going to marry, get married and have children. 
 And then eventually I could get to this grandma thing I liked. And so I just set out on this journey, found the guy I loved, met him in college. And I was like, can we get married early so we can get started? And he was like, no. You have to finish college first. I'm like, this stinks. But okay. 
 So we finished college and we, as soon as we got married, I was like, let's try to get pregnant. And as sometimes for people, we had infertility issues and we went through a very long period of infertility. Ultimately, we were on a fertility study and we got pregnant and I was very excited. And we had two doctor's appointments within two hours of each other and two different ultrasounds. And they all told us we were having twins. 
 So I was super excited because I'm like, I want four and I want to be a grandma. And this is great. We'll just do it twice as fast. And off we went on our journey. And as we went on our journey, around 13 weeks, I started bleeding. And we thought that I was going to miscarry. 
 So end up in the emergency room. They tell me I have to go to the high risk doctor. I go to the high risk doctor on Monday. And with infertility and all kinds of things that are difficult, it's always hurry up and wait. 
 So when we got there, I looked at my husband and I said, hey, we're going to go in there and we think I'm trying to miscarry. And they're going to tell us that we're having triplets. Wouldn't that be funny? And so we were laughing and we went in there and as soon as she did put the probe on my stomach, I could tell that there was three. And I was like boy, and this is a lot. 
 And then she said, let's do one more picture and get all the babies on the screen. And so she moved the probe around and everything. And I went, wow. There's four. And I said, don't bother looking for any more. It's high risk as it is. And we're just going to keep on going. And so the doctor came in, verified everything. And off we went. Our goal was to make it to 30 weeks at 23 weeks. We went to tour the hospital and the car behind us rear ended us and ended up spending the night in the hospital. And I was having contractions about two weeks. About two minutes apart and they got that under control. 
 And then we knew that to make it to the next day, just as with any traumatic thing is a miracle sometimes. So we went home and still went on our journey. And at 26 weeks, my water broke. They put me in the hospital. And they said, you're going to stay and hopefully get to 30 weeks. The next morning I woke up and I knew I was having contractions and the world stopped. And they said, you're going to have to deliver the first one. And I was like, can't you just like put everything back in place and stop everything? And they were like, no. And I was like, OK. And my husband said, well, what about the other three? Could she carry the other three? And they said, well, it depends on what her body does. 
 So they sent me into surgery to get some stitches removed, brought me back. And the first baby Zach came and they put him in my arms and I held him and just loved on him till he passed into eternity. 
 And then they wanted to see if I would get sick and. They did blood work and I got sick. And so they said, you have to deliver the other three. And so same process, the other three boys, Josh, Nate and Chris arrived in about. Two hours later, and they laid them in my arms and they passed into eternity. And here is the pieces that I think are what your listeners are looking for is when I sat in the hospital that night. I had the question that rises up in all of us when we face challenges. And that question, for me at least, is why me? Why now? Why God? Why this? Why? And God just whispered to me, give me your why question. And I was like, no, I like my why question. It's the one thing I can hold on to. And it justifies like all of my feelings. And he's like, I need you to lay that down and trust me with it. And I was like. Okay, but I have no idea how to figure my way through this situation. I don't have, I don't know how to survive the pain. It's too much. I, I'm a failure at all these things. I can't have children on my own. I just don't get it. I don't know how to do it. And he said, I need you to change your question. And I was like, well, what should I be asking? I don't know what to do with your why question. And he was like, ask me, how do I survive? 
 So that's the question I started asking was how do I survive? And here's what he taught me. He taught me simply to breathe. Because if we're not breathing, we can't really do much. We won't be here for long, right? Okay, so we have to learn to breathe. 
 And then the breathing brings our prefrontal cortex online, which is where we make good choices from. It's where our thinking happens. If not, we're emotionally responding, and that's usually not a good choice. 
 And then the second thing he taught me after breathe was, what is my next best step? Not my next right step because we don't always know if what we're doing is exactly right and that can cause us to freeze. But if I could take just whatever my next best step was and then as I took my next best step, it began to. Illuminate what the next best step would be and then illuminate the next best step. And what I found was I was beginning to figure my way through suffering and figuring my way into healing. And that became my journey. Now, just so that your girls can be encouraged is, you know what? 
 Sometimes my next best step was very simple, like pull the covers off of my head, maybe sit up. And go brush my teeth and then I'm back in the bed and that was all I can do for that day and that's okay. 
 And then some days it was get up and get one or two little things done and then eventually it became go out and conquer the world and get a new job and do this and all these wonderful things. And then somewhere in that healing journey. The question began to change and the question became, how do I thrive? Not how do I survive anymore, but how do I thrive? And that question is important because I did not want to be stuck. 30, 35 years down the road after losing boys and still in the same emotional space. And so when I asked that question, then what that did is it created a wonderful safe space. For God to begin to use my story. 
 So whether it was working with other people who had suffered similarly to me, or leading grief groups, or ultimately starting the nonprofit that I have that ministers to thousands and thousands of families every year, and will be here long after I'm gone, to writing a book, to adopting, to all these things. These are because I got to the Thrive question. And what I have found is that I would not have gotten the opportunity for any of those things if I wouldn't have had the journey through the difficulties of losing the boy. 
 So do I ever wish that on anyone or want anyone to experience anything like that? Absolutely not. But. As I have learned to ask the right questions, now we can take that story and use that story. And so that's how I've gotten where I am today. And I hope that those little neat little tips there are helpful for your listeners. 

 Sharlene | 10:44
I love it. The next step. It is so true. Quite frequently when we're in a space where everything feels overwhelming, where we can't see any light at the end, we can't even see the tunnel, let alone the light at the end of the tunnel, that it's those tiny little next steps, that thinking just immediately, not the big picture, just what's the very next thing that you could actually do that you could help you move forward. 
 So myself as a survivor and Now a thriver. You know, what would be helpful for me to know if I was still in process is how do I know what the next best step is? Does it have to be the next best step or can it be any step? 

 Debbie | 11:27
Well, the next best step is, in general, any step, okay? Because as long as we're stepping and we're moving, we are having the opportunity to grow. And I always loved, you know, the best thing we can do is have people, safe people in our lives that can help us, too. Figure out sometimes what the next best step is, or they can come alongside of us and help us accomplish it. 
 So I have a friend who is really struggling right now and has all the domestic violence type things in her background and stuff like that. And today she was telling me, I'm having a really bad day and I'm having a hard time thinking. And I'm like, you need to just think about saying this one phrase out loud, like a hundred times today. And so she started with that one phrase and I'm like, tell me when you get to 50. And I'm like, okay, rate how you feel. 
 Like, do you feel emotionally better than what you were this morning you were a two? And where are you right now? 
 And then what is an, you know, so to have a safe person too is extremely helpful to us, but it's, Any movement is wonderful because there are many days I would have loved to have stayed in the bed with the covers over my head and just, I don't want to face anything, right? And I'm going just the fact of peeking out of the covers and breathing and going, okay, I'll figure my way. I'm going to figure it. And if loving friends are there to help me, the more the merrier for that. 

 Sharlene | 12:57
I love it. I love it. I love to call it Duna therapy. And, you know, I still embrace it. 
 So sometimes we decide to have a day in and so now it's a treat. Whereas when I was going through the challenges, it was almost on some level, a little shame attached to it, that I wasn't able to get up, brush my teeth, have a shower, even get out of the bed. And So it's interesting how this far down the track is the thing that gave me shame then now gives me pleasure. And that just goes to show that you just need to change the way you're looking at things. I love it. And we need to embrace these ebbs and flows in our states. And you know, even the tide comes in and goes out, we need to embrace the slowness and embrace the breath, as you say, Debbie, so that we can change the way that our brain is firing off. I love it. Now tell me a little bit more about the book that you've written. 

 Debbie | 13:57
Yes. So the book that I have written is called The Heart of Legacy, and it has the rest of the Debbie story in detail if you want all the hidden secrets in it. But the middle section of the book is all about how you and I can be focused, faithful and fearless. And there's all kind of great little steps in there that could be next best steps or at least get you thinking about how we can take. Our life and be very intentional about living it so that we live a legacy now and we can leave one. And, you know, when it's time for us to pass on, but, you know, we've got something that Everybody tells me that everybody has a story, right? And this story can impact people. And so while our stories are hard and difficult, there are people, you know, I look at it in my life, people have leaned back and put their hand out and pulled me along. And my job is to put my hand back and pull people along with me. And sometimes they catapult right past me, which is wonderful. And sometimes they just come walk alongside me. But It's the journey of life. And so this book really digs into that in the heart of it and why it's important. 
 And then there are wonderful stories of Anger Point, the ministry, and a lot of those have stories that are like some of your listeners and how they've made their ways in their journeys, which would be a blessing to hear, you know, hear those stories too. 

 Sharlene | 15:24
I love it. Now, if you want access to the book, all the information about the programs, the processes that Debbie does, and the beautiful book, it's all available on her website. Now, the links are in the show notes and in the show description. 
 So I'm just curious, Debbie, moving forward, what's the big picture for you and what it is that you do moving forward in the next couple of years? What do you see the impact for your work making moving forward? 

 Debbie | 15:54
That's a great question. And what God really has been challenging me to do is to take that story that's part of my life and to begin using it so that more people can have the courage to walk out their stories and share their stories. Because, you know, we talked about how you said you felt that little bit of shame. And shame is very isolating, and that is what If we want to take you out, that's what we need to do is we need to shame you, guilt, all this stuff. And all that is only broken in community. 
 So community happens when we tell our stories in safe places and people can still look in our faces and go, you're still worth it. You are valuable. You are good. You have got this and come alongside each other. 
 So that is what God's doing with me is beginning to expand that across a larger audience base. Is I just believe we are all uniquely called to do and to be impact players now. And this is our chance. And so whatever I can do to encourage people to rise up and do those things, that's what I want to see. 
 So that's what he's doing with me right now. 

 Sharlene | 17:03
I love it. I love it. 
 So powerful. There's so much to learn here. The best of it can be found on the website, though, where you can go deeper on those next best steps and go deeper on how you can move forward with your story and how you can have these conversations in community to lessen the burden yourself a story shared is a burden shared and it helps us connect and reconnect because we're now in the reconnect economy and yeah i love it so look in our final words of wisdom here debbie what would be your final words of wisdom to our audience listening today. 

 Debbie | 17:44
I love this. I would say if you're listening, I just hope and pray that you know that you are deeply loved and you're deeply valuable and you are worth it. And even though it's challenging right now, even though you might not be in what you consider your ideal space, you still have value. You still have worth and you have things to offer and you can do this. You can take the next best step and it is a pleasure. To just be able to encourage you to do that and just do the next thing you can think of. 

 Sharlene | 18:19
I love it. If you're listening today and you are a survivor of family and or domestic violence, reach out to Healing Through Love. We've got pamper days in your area and we would love to connect you. If you're listening today and you're a practitioner and you've got a heart for change and you want to hold the space for these women as they heal, reach out to us. We're looking for practitioners all around the world, all around the globe, and we'll connect you to organisers in your states. It's been a privilege and a pleasure to have this conversation. Conversation today Debbie about taking the next step it's a joy and I'm looking forward to talking with you again very soon it's a goodbye from us at Healing Through Love and a goodbye from Debbie. 

 Voiceover | 19:03
Thank you for joining us for this episode of Healing Through Love. You can get further resources See the show notes or simply reach out to us via our website at htlaustralia.org. Thanks so much for joining us and we look forward to your company next time. On the Healing Through Love podcast.