#172 Reclaiming Your Light: Healing Burnout and Miscarriage with Tina Kapp-Kailea

What happens when the life you worked so hard to build quietly begins to cost you your health, your voice, and your sense of self?

In this deeply moving episode, Sharlene Lynch sits down with embodiment coach and bestselling author Tina Kapp-Kailea to explore the hidden cost of “keeping it together.” Tina shares her powerful journey from corporate success to total burnout, compounded by the heartbreak of multiple miscarriages that left her physically depleted and emotionally shattered.

Together, they unpack how unresolved grief silently compounds burnout, particularly for high-achieving women who feel pressure to perform, push through, and stay strong at all costs. Tina speaks candidly about reaching rock bottom and why that breaking point became the catalyst for healing, self-compassion, and reclaiming her feminine essence.

This conversation goes beyond inspiration. Tina introduces her REALIGN framework, a practical and embodied pathway designed to help women process grief, restore depleted energy, and realign their lives with what truly matters. She shares tangible steps for rebuilding from the inside out, reconnecting with intuition, and creating success that feels nourishing rather than draining.

If you have ever felt disconnected from yourself, exhausted by striving, or silenced by grief, this episode offers validation, hope, and a grounded roadmap back to wholeness.

This is not about bouncing back. It is about reclaiming your light and redefining success on your own terms.

✨ CONNECT WITH TINA

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/tinakkailea

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/tinakkailea/

Website: https://www.femmepreneurpathfinder.com

📌 PROMOTION: https://www.femmepreneurpathfinder.com/bookmystic

♥ ♥

Transcript

Intro | 00:00
The Healing Through Love podcast with Sharlene Lynch and Rose Davidson. 

 Sharlene | 00:08
Hello and welcome to the Healing Through Love podcast. I'm Sharlene Lynch and together we're shining a light on hope, resilience and transformation in the journey to end of domestic violence. Each week we bring you inspiring interviews with changemakers, survivors, advocates and experts who are making a difference in the lives of those affected by domestic and family violence. Now whether you are on a healing journey yourself or supporting someone who is, this is your space for powerful stories. Practical tools and heartfelt inspiration let's heal through love together I love it now we've got a very special guest here today and she's dialing in all the way from New Zealand one of my favorite places to visit. Tina Kapp-Kailea is an award-winning embodiment coach now we're going to dive in and find out what that's about she's a book doula what is that we're going to dive in and find out what that's about she's a best-selling author an international speaker and she's It helps high achieving women reconnect with their authentic selves, breaking free from burnout and lead purposeful lives. I love it. There's so much to know. I need to know a lot more. Please. Hello, Tina. How are you? 

 Tina | 01:23
Thank you for having me. I'm fantastic. A little bit nasally, but that's winter in New Zealand for you. And I love conversations around what you just touched on. 
 So I'm very happy to be. 

 Sharlene | 01:34
Here. It's such a blessing to be here. 
 You know, you bring so much to the world right now. There's so many moving parts to what it is that you're delivering and how you're turning up. And we were just having a chat about that before we press record and my head is still spinning. I love that. Yes. And Behind all of this, there's a story of transformation that's got you to the most amazing person that you are right now. 
 So I'd love if it's okay with our audience just to have a conversation in and around what was happening for you when you were in the proximity of narcissistic abuse. 

 Tina | 02:10
Yeah, narcissistic abuse for me was not something I even heard of. I didn't know what it was, but I had a very toxic boss in my work environment and I've learned that There are certain traits that these people have and they feed on a certain type of person, in my case, a woman. And often we see narcissistic abuse, emotional abuse in relationships a lot, in marriages, in family situations. And for me, it was a really painful journey because I wear my heart on my sleeve. I'm very open, very sensitive. But part of my journey was struggling. Trying to look for validation on the outside, which means I was stuck constantly trying to prove myself and I guess that's why I kept up with a lot of stuff that was thrown at me because I just thought that's my lot. 
 You know, climbing the corporate ladder. I was a general manager of a publishing house at the time and I thought well, I can't really say no and that's where the stuff started to really unravel. 
 So he kind of lured me in when times were very good. The company was thriving and it felt like family. And that was a lot of personal connection, we did a lot of fun stuff as a company but then the GFC hit, the global financial crisis and I guess True Colors came out and I didn't realize it was almost like, I keep calling it corporate Stockholm syndrome because it pains me to admit that the woman I am today Like 10 years ago, I kept up with what was thrown at me because I literally was scared what would happen to me if I'd leave the company. 
 So I can only imagine what it must feel like for somebody who is in a relationship that is so emotionally toxic and so abusive that you feel like you can't leave. And then that's ten times worse because a job is a job. But for me, it felt like I was completely trapped. 
 So that's kind of how I learned what narcissistic behavior can do. And then my inner work started to come out where I go, I actively participated in some of it, making me such an easy target. And that was a really difficult part to work through because I had to look at my own stuff. And that's not an easy thing to do. Unfortunately, my bowel stress, the anxiety, there was depression. There was obviously, you know, the six coffees a day and three glasses of wine at night. But my body was so full of cortisol and that stress for such a long time that I miscarried five pregnancies. And that was a wake up call. And I realized that it was like someone had shackled me to this person who had all the power and I felt voiceless and powerless. That's the best way I can describe it. 

 Sharlene | 05:07
Thank you, Tina, for sharing that. And as a survivor myself, I can see so many parallels to what it is that you're talking about and how that is a reality for us in those relationships. And The not feeling like as if you can leave, that feeling stuck. Yes, and you mentioned that you needed to take that level of responsibility for your part in the process. Now, I know as a survivor that's triggering because you know I'm the victim well this is the old Sharlene I'm the victim how can you tell me that I own part of this yes and this is a challenging conversation to be able to step up and take that next level of responsibility because It's a challenging conversation. 
 So I get this. Now, I'd like to have a conversation about how do you step into taking that level of responsibility when on one level, you're the victim and you're the survivor and talk to me about that. How did you handle that? 

 Tina | 06:12
Not very well in the beginning because it's so easy to lay blame and everything is happening to you and it's outside of your control. It was around the discussion with my miscarriages. My biggest question was, why does this keep happening to me? Why does this keep happening to me? 
 And then I had to realize, learning more about what constant stress and cortisol can do to your body, I came to the realization that there's a very big chance of that lifestyle I chose with all the things that contributed to the fact that my body was failing me. And For me, the term was, my body didn't deem it safe enough to carry a pregnancy to full term because it was in such a funk and in such a state. With that was a hard pill to swallow, I'm not gonna lie. And it was a very slow process of forgiving myself for it. For letting some of that go and I've worked on a lot of embodiment because I had so much grief around what I've gone through. I didn't see this as trauma. I thought trauma was something a lot more, I guess, extreme. But there's T1 and T2 trauma. And I realized my body's gone through trauma by losing five babies. And it wasn't a lot of the somatic work and some spiritual work where I realized I have energetic cords to each and every one of those babies. And by not acknowledging that I've suffered grief, I just carried on because no one could see it. It didn't exist for anyone outside. And I think this is with miscarriage, the difficult part. No one understands what's going on the inside. 
 So I felt alone. There was shame. Everything else seemed seemingly perfect on the outside. I had it all on paper. But inside that part I couldn't control. That pill I had to swallow started a beautiful journey of unpacking what I've suppressed and then it opened the trapdoor to some of the patterns that I was repeating in my life. How I was showing up, how I became the victim. To this narcissistic person is because Deep down, I didn't feel good enough. And that came, that went all the way into a childhood thing. And it was in regression in a retreat that there was a really vivid situation when I was younger. It triggered something in me and it carried through my entire life how I showed up. It was when writing my book, That's when all the shadow work happened for me and you raised the fact that you didn't know what is a book doula. I help people birth their stories into a book and for me, I thought I knew everything because ironically, I had a 10-year career in publishing. And I thought, writing a book is easy. But those moments where I was on my knees, when I had to relive life, Everything that I faced, I realized that heck it was trauma and I skipped over it and I didn't want to know it. It's by literally looking at all your baggage, opening all the suitcases and going through all of it that I realized this was on me. I made the decision to not be that person anymore and that was It was a rocky journey, but one well worth it. And I had help. 

 Sharlene | 09:42
I love this. So making that decision to step above the line and taking a level of responsibility for just literally just showing up. Isn't it interesting when we have a car accident that even though someone else hits you still have to have a level of responsibility for that, for physically being on the road. 
 So it's like looking at it through that lens of the insurer. I love it. Okay. 
 So now you mentioned that you're a book doula and you do the extraction of what, so what's the journey that someone's been through and then help them go through the process of learning and then putting that out to the world as a type of journey. Healing as a type of coaching is a type of a modality to help people come to that level of realization and release. Is that right? 

 Tina | 10:27
It's a good way to describe it and because I always refer to the fact that you're birthing a book and yes there's AI, there's all sorts of different things and write a book in 90 days, that is fine if it's an easy book aka you're doing something, it's your body of work, something that's easy. It's when we make a book magnetic where you connect to the reader and say well I can, she's talking to me because here I am, I'm the same person, I've gone through something and she's actually speaking about it. Wow! That's something that only comes when you have the courage to tell your story whether you're on a stage or writing a book. But a stage thing may be recorded but it's a fleeting moment. Writing it down is casting a spell. It's called spelling for a reason. It's a cathartic process and my superpower is holding safe space. I hold woman circles. I do a lot of somatic work. 
 So I'm fully woo-woo and wonderful. I learned through my experience of what I've gone through when writing it that fear walks with us when we're writing that story because we're vulnerable. We're going to go, " wow, maybe my perpetrator, maybe the person who was the narcissist is reading this. Maybe someone in my family." Stuff that is deep on the inside, out of the sudden, is there for everyone to read. 
 So I prepare my authors for birth when the book gets published because a lot of people they get scared and it's like my god it's going to be out there and then of can't hide anymore. So it's the same as birth when you have a midwife checks all the vitals all the medical stuff or your obstetrician but the doula is preparing you on a more spiritual emotional level through that process. 
 So I'm a bit of a combination of both because I believe a good book has your personal story in it because often our stories lead us to changing our life completely and doing vastly different things than before the big break. And if you manage to put this in a book, that book is going to radiate. It's going to open doors for you. And it's a legacy piece and that takes care and it does take holding safe space. And as women in particular, which is most of my clients, you need to feel safe to open up. And you need to have someone honor that safe space to be able to feel like we can speak openly. 

 Sharlene | 12:49
Love that. I love that on every level. It's like it's base level, isn't it? Base level chakra, a base level of Maslow's hierarchy. We need to have that level of safety. I love it. And you provide that level of safety so that they can unpack. Now, I'd love to know a little bit more about your book, your corporate rewilding. 
 So how long has it been out for and where can people get it? 

 Tina | 13:12
It came out in 2023. It's available on Amazon. And if you're in New Zealand, you can just order it from my website. Now, Corporate Rewilding was for me, actually, it started on a summit talk. And by the time I did a talk about my story, which was the burnout and the breakdown in corporate and my reclamation finding back to myself, I realized, wow, 20 minutes is not enough. And I go, maybe I should write a book about it. And I always love books. And like the ego came in and said, yeah, I've worked in publishing easy. And I have to say that The title caused a little bit of a question mark because people go, what does that mean, corporate rewilding? Now, rewilding is when you return something to its natural state. And I'm here to be an advocate for women to change the way they show up in corporate because we're working in a system that hasn't served us and through the pandemic we proved that we can be trusted we can work whenever in between and we're not going to have our monthly period and ruin someone's business empire so I'm an advocate for showing up fully as a woman and not being in those you know melody griffin's working girl 1980s corporate structures where it has to be the navy power suit and you can't show emotions because feminine leadership comes from nurturing and I think a lot of boardroom tables or international political tables for that matter would be a lot more compassionate if we had more women in these positions and we need to encourage one another and build each other up instead of tearing each other down and comparing which all of society tries to have us do while we quarrel you know the men do their thing so it stirred a few interesting looks when I used the terminology I deliberately put not a corporate image on the cover I had a beautiful photo shoot with wild hair on a beach and it looks very spiritual but it was my reclamation moment you know what I don't have to pick sides I can be a spiritual conscious entrepreneur or c-suite executive and I don't have to put on a mask when I go to work so I just this is basically roosting the current corporate and they go I would love more women to awaken that inner wild girl that we all have and indulge in that. Show up in bright colors. Wear the dress. Be caring. Be compassionate. And get a seat at the table. But you don't have to use your elbows to get there. 

 Sharlene | 15:45
I love it. Okay. For our listeners today that are transitioning out of that space and feeling the safety that you're providing here in this conversation, what would you suggest is the first thing that we need to do when we realize we're in an environment that is not safe, whether it be narcissistic abuse or whether it be in a workplace or in a home place? What's the first thing that we need to do to step forward? 

 Tina | 16:09
I think it requires brutal honesty that something is out of alignment. And the signs are all there but as women we're trying to look after everybody else first before we look at us and because we feel like we might be selfish we should I think having stillness I'm a big advocate for taking time often my best ideas now that I have the freedom to design my work day come when I'm walking when I'm on the beach when I've stroked my horses It's not sitting in an office when someone said, we're having a brainstorming session and now you've got 10 minutes to write things down. It's like, you know, it doesn't work like that because we're flow. We're females. But brutal honesty is you have to look in the mirror and really go am I prepared to tell myself that to get out of this. I'm in control. It does take courage and for some people that means upheavaling an entire family unit. It can be divorce. It can be changing careers and moving to another country. It can be any number of things. But don't be scared because your safety, your happiness and your state of mind is the most important thing that you have and find other women find help because there are people who have walked this path before you and one of my favorite quotes is we're all just here to walk each other home And I think that sums up why we want to do things in the work, why we want to change things for others because we've been there. 

 Sharlene | 17:48
I love it. I love it. And if you'd like to join the community of all things, Tina, all of her links will be in the show notes and in the show description. Now tell me, what is next for you? What is your next big adventure? 

 Tina | 18:03
Ooh, there is some big talks coming up for next year. There's going to be some retreats. I hold Wild and Wise Women's Circles. 
 So there's a menopause retreat in Mexico. There's a spiritual book writing retreat that's going to come here in New Zealand and a leadership retreat in New Zealand. 
 So I believe when we move out of our comfort zone and take ourselves out of our comfort daily grind and be with like-minded women magic happens and I could do this all day every day that community element and being away from our normal stuff we can transform and it is not selfish invest in yourself and that is my 2026 I want to hold a lot of retreats and amazing spaces with amazing people. 

 Sharlene | 18:49
You know, Tina, I am a retreat junkie. I think I have an addiction issue. That's okay. We can work through that by getting more of the same. I need to know more about your retreat. 
 So make sure that you message me all of those. Wow, what a transition from having that level of awakening to that this is not okay, and that you're worth more than that to making that decision that you are going to have a different outcome and then following your beautiful process, which you do talk about in your book and through the workshops and the programs and your keynote speaking to help people transition and to step into that their own authority their own power and to make different decisions I love it it's just it's elegance and it's woo and it's corporate it's all of it in the same and why do they have to be different why can't they all be the same thing why can't we just call it being a woman Yeah, I love it. I love it. I love it. Okay. 
 So in our final words today, I'd love you to share with our audience. What are your final words of wisdom? 

 Tina | 19:51
Final words of wisdom, I would say it's never too late to make a change and you're worthy. Those are It comes down to that for me. 

 Sharlene | 20:00
I love that. I love it. You are worthy. You are worthy. You are worthy. I love it. One of my affirmations and it really does make a huge difference. Tina, it's been a beautiful conversation and I'm looking forward to perhaps maybe having you back as a guest later on the year or beginning of next year because there's obviously more that we need to know and it's such a privilege and a pleasure to hold this sacred space and have a beautiful conversation. That's a goodbye from me and a goodbye from Tina.

 
 Tina | 20:26
Bye. 

 Outro | 20:30
Thank you for joining us for this episode of Healing Through Love. You can get further resources See the show notes or simply reach out to us via our website at htlaustralia.org. Thanks so much for joining us and we look forward to your company next time on the Healing Through Love podcast.