#173 Unbreakable Mindset: 6 Pillars to Live Fully, Safely, and Authentically

What if motivation and willpower were never the answer to lasting change?

In this powerful and deeply human conversation, Angeline Hennessy-Thompson challenges some of the most common myths around personal growth, resilience, and wellbeing. Drawing on both professional expertise and lived experience, she introduces the Unbreakable Mindset and the six science-backed pillars of living medicine: nutrition, movement, sleep, stress management, connection, and purpose.

Angeline shares how these pillars helped her navigate profound adversity, including mental health breakdowns, grief and loss, financial hardship, loneliness, a complicated relationship with alcohol, and the often-unspoken challenges of menopause and midlife. Rather than striving for perfection or relying on willpower, she explains why safety, validation, love, and understanding are fundamental human needs, not luxuries.

This episode explores how unhealthy relationship patterns can form, why confidence erodes when our basic needs are unmet, and how we can gently break those cycles without shame. Angeline offers practical, compassionate insights into how small, consistent habits can restore energy, improve mood, and rebuild trust in ourselves and others.

Listeners will gain a refreshing, science-led perspective on mind–body wellbeing, learning how connection and purpose are just as vital as diet or exercise. This is not about “fixing” yourself, but about returning to who you truly are and learning to feel loved, even with imperfections.

If you are navigating midlife, menopause, emotional exhaustion, or simply questioning the pressure to “push harder,” this conversation offers clarity, hope, and a new way forward. It is an invitation to stop surviving and start living with curiosity, compassion, and confidence.

✨ CONNECT WITH ANGELINE

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/share/15zjbHBDrS/?mibextid=wwXIfr

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/angeline-hennessy-thompson/

Website:

https://www.angelineht.co.uk/
https://feeds.captivate.fm/haphr/
https://happinesshealthrelationshipspodcast.com/about/

📌 PROMOTION: https://amzn.eu/d/6jLjuVA

♥ ♥

Transcript

Intro | 00:00
The Healing Through Love podcast with Sharlene Lynch and Rose Davidson. 

 Sharlene | 00:08
Hello and welcome to the Healing Through Love podcast. I'm Sharlene Lynch and together we're shining a light on hope, resilience and transformation in the journey to end domestic violence. Each week we bring you inspiring interviews with changemakers, survivors, advocates and experts on who are making a difference in the lives of those affected by domestic and family violence. Whether you're on this healing journey yourself, or supporting someone who is, this is the space for powerful stories, practical tools and heartfelt inspiration. Let's heal through love. We've got an exciting guest to speak with us today. I am very excited. She's coming all the way from England. 
 So a very long way away. So today's guest is an international psychotherapist. 
 So we're going to unpack exactly what that is. With over a decade of experience helping people navigate life's most challenging seasons. She is the founder and the host of Happiness Health Relationships podcast. That sounds like fun. And the author of Unbreakable Mindset. I love that. I love that you're speaking my language. A powerful and deeply person account of her own journey through life's storms. Welcome to the stage. Hello, Angeline Hennessy-Thompson. How are you? Thank you for joining us. 

 Angeline | 01:31
Thank you. I'm really excited to be here. And your podcast, it sounds absolutely brilliant. 
 You know, I love what you're doing here. And I'm excited to for us to talk about something that we're both passionate about. Really, it's I'm an interpersonal psychotherapist. Which means that I'm an expert in helping people form meaningful connections We know that we need each other and we need healthy relationships. 
 So obviously in the work that I do, I come across people who find themselves in abusive relationships sometimes or unhealthy patterns where they feel that They just keep coming across the wrong guy or the wrong girl or the wrong person. And they seem to be stuck in a pattern. 
 So I kind of work with people in figuring it all out and trying to help gain more healthy and reciprocal and feeling safe in relationships so I'm really excited to talk to you today and your listeners. 

 Sharlene | 02:40
I love that. I love that. As a survivor myself, what I noticed is out the other side is that I was continually attracting the same person, even not even on a conscious level, I was attracting people that would hurt me. 
 So yeah, can we just talk about for a minute, just about the patterns? Why do we get ourselves into these patterns? And why even if they're not on a conscious level, why do we just keep doing it again? 

 Angeline | 03:06
Yeah, I mean, that's the golden question, isn't it? You know, and... And subsequently it leaves some people where they beat themselves up a bit because they think why do I keep doing this, you know, and why and sometimes I People stay for longer than they wanted in an abusive situation and they think, you know, why did I stay so long? And so, You know, the answer is complex, so there can be many different factors. But one main thing that keeps showing up with the people that I work with and is It's kind of familiar in a way. 
 So you're right in that it's not a conscious choice. It's more on the subconscious level. 
 So we may have... We don't have to have had a terrible childhood. That's the other thing that people think, you know, well, you know, my childhood was okay, but there can be just really subtle influences and You know, as women and culturally, sometimes we're taught to be subservient, you know, my generation more so, you know, I think things are getting better for sure. But we're kind of taught not to ask for our needs sometimes. 
 Sometimes it's as simple as parents are busy. They're trying to do the best they can, most parents do, And so they maybe weren't emotionally present. And so, We just don't learn how to express how we really feel or ask for our needs. Maybe we had a demanding sibling or maybe mum or dad struggled a little bit with that with they have their own struggles. 
 So as children, we sometimes just get a subtle message of well, I need to make sure the other person's okay. So we literally learn that I'm okay. My job is to make sure that everybody else is okay. And I think especially as women, we tend to take on the emotional responsibility of others. 
 So you'll see, you know, the matriarch of the family will try and keep everything together, keep the peace. And so as a result of that, they don't have any time whatsoever to think about what might be important to them. What their values might be or what they might interest them or any of that. 
 You know, when working with people, you know, if I ask them, well, what's important for you? They like, there's this blank space they haven't got a clue. They've never had the space to even think about that because The Their job literally, and it is on a subconscious level, it's not a choice. It's just the way it is. We learn it as children. Therefore, it's the way the brain develops that This is just the way it is. And so I. 

 Sharlene | 06:15
Love it. I love it. I love it. 
 You know, it's a wonder that we can ever even have. Good relationships. We've got all of these pieces of the puzzle. And at any point in time, whether it's whether we're people pleasing, I'm a recovering people pleaser. 
 So I get that. I'm the first born. 
 So I get that. And I'm Irish. 
 So I get this as well, is that, you know, even if we had It's like a perfect storm. We've got all of these elements that at any point in time, then just need to cross over. And we're not going to be people that develop beautiful relationships, not just with other people, but even with ourselves. It's just a minefield. 
 So what can we do to recognize that we've got challenges with relationships, other ourselves and or other people? And how can we first of all, how can we recognize there's a problem? 

 Angeline | 07:06
So it's a really good question and I think that There are some... Quick fire ones. This is a complex area, first of all, to say this is not easy. It really isn't easy because it's going against our survival instincts. We know that we need each other. 
 So that's why we try and keep the peace. We don't want to rock the boat. But we can ask, you know, how do I feel when I'm with this person? Do I feel emotionally safe? Can I? Have a day where I just feel. Rubbish for whatever reason, I feel tired. Am I able to express that? Am I able to be vulnerable? Am I able to say... Actually, I'm really struggling with this and I need you. I just need you to sit with me. And maybe give me a hug. And feel that person we'll say, yeah, sure, you know, and not have our needs minimized, dismissed. 
 You know, In relationships, it really boils down to half a dozen things that we can really get a quick understanding gauge if you like. So week. We only really argue if we feel dismissed, that we don't matter. That we're not understood, that we're not heard. We, you know, people don't necessarily have to fully understand what's going on with us because sometimes that's not realistic. But we do need them to sit with us and say, you know, hey, I can tell that this is really important for you. And I'm here. I'm here. And you know, If we can Really be fully in a relationship like that. And that, again, this is a complex area. That's not easy to do. We don't want to be vulnerable, especially if our previous experiences are not good. We're going to say no, thank you. We want to keep people at arm's length... And why would you? Why would you? 
 You know, so this is complex. 

 Sharlene | 09:27
It's a very fine line between being there to support people and cultivating that beautiful relationship but then making sure that you're not necessarily just putting someone else's needs first so it's a really fine line between being there to support so how can we tell if we are showing up for other people and ourselves with that right mix of enough for you and enough for me how can we tell. 

 Angeline | 09:59
That's a really good question. And it's something that recovering people pleases and people who are emotionally responsible or they feel that they're responsible for everybody else's emotions. Because it feels selfish. 
 You know, if I ask for my needs, that's somehow selfish or it somehow makes me not a nice person if I say no to somebody and all the rest and all that kind of thing. So that it's subjective. I think that most people live somewhere on that continuum. You've got the narcissists at one end who really don't think about they don't have the capacity often to empathize with others. And you've got the others who do nothing else but think about others. And so I think you have to find your way. You have to find your way through that. But asking the relevant questions along the way. 
 So, If it feels that, like I say, that the other person does hold space for you. And, you know, then they're having a rubbish day. It's just kind of a gauge in if you feel that it's reciprocal. And that it's equal as much as possible. And we go through different seasons in our life, There will be maybe we're going through a tricky time at work, therefore we might need more for a space of a couple of months, you know, more than the other person if we're talking about a significant other. But it's just an overall sense of do I feel That my needs are being met when I do need it, when I express it. 
 You know, the red flags are, if our needs are being minimized or you're just making a fuss. " well, don't be daft." Well, and when words don't match actions, of course, I'm sure you talk about that on the podcast. 
 You know, it's a huge red flag. So they're all just small, questions for you to ask yourself and to talk to you know if you've Hugely important if you've got a trusted friend or family member. To talk to them, you know. And if you're supporting somebody who you fear is in an abusive relationship, then really important to be with them rather than say, well, why don't you just leave? 
 You know, because it's far more complex than that. So it's there are these little questions that you need to ask yourself really. And how you feel when you're with them is a, is one of the main things that you can ask. 

 Sharlene | 12:54
Yeah, again, a minefield. There's so much happening. And you're right, we ebb and we flow for women, maybe monthly. Ha. 
 Like we've got other things happening as well. And if we're in a relationship and we've got children, then, you know, you've got like three, four, five people in the house that are all having their own thing. Ebbs and flows and God forbid everybody is on a downer at the same time or on a look at me moment and the same time it is about getting all of that, dancing to the same tune. I love it. All right. 
 So, wow. So explain to me a little bit more about psychotherapy. What is psychotherapy and how does that work with relationships? 

 Angeline | 13:42
So psychotherapy is really just an accumulation of our experiences. It can be... Biological, we can inherit certain genes, you know, there's the whole argument on nature and nurture, you know, are we born with certain traits? And then, you know, it's our experiences along the way. 
 So we learn... Whether the world is safe or the people in it, Growing up, we learn if it's modeled for us that we can express how we feel will hugely impact our relationships as adults. We learn what to expect from relationships, from watching our parents or watching, you know, those that influenced us growing up. 
 So we really, it's all, it's about survival. It's about safety. And we learn how to survive First and foremost, that's the form, the primitive brain or the developing brain. We learn how to survive first. And so we learn whether it's safe to express how we really feel or whether it isn't. And It's very difficult. It takes work as an adult to work through that. 
 So the psychotherapy side of it is really understanding ourselves. So it's understanding who when I'm with them, Do I feel not good enough or I feel anxious. Whatever it may be, you know, those symptoms that will show up. 
 So we can ask questions like, have I felt that way before? You know, where we can start to understand ourselves and how our previous experiences have influenced us It's about understanding ourselves and why we function in the way that we do in adult relationships. There'll be very good reasons for it. 
 You know, it's not that there's something wrong with us. It often feels that there is. It's not that we're getting it wrong or that we are, we're, inferior. It's none of those things. We really. Just behave in a way that we perceive is going to keep us safe and keep the peace. Lots of, you know, you were saying, what if we're on, what if everybody's struggling in the house? 
 You know, it's really difficult. And those that their thing is to people pleasing to keep the peace. They're going to be highly anxious. And trying to make everything okay. Yes. 
 So it's just about understanding all that, really. And then we can talk about. How? What's going to work better? 
 You know, we can talk about what ideas are. To navigate it and what changes might be realistic. Change is always better to chip away at. Especially with sensitive subjects and complex subjects such as this. It's always better to think about things in increments, very small changes. Because it's about safety and when we question step, you know, our behavior. We're asking ourselves to step outside of that safety zone, the perceived safety zone. 
 You know, where we keep people arm's length maybe. Yeah. But actually... It's not conducive with our basic human needs where we need to feel connected with people. Otherwise we feel lonely. We can be in a room full of people. And feel lonely. 

 Sharlene | 17:43
I see. So how does psychotherapy and psychology, like how do they fit in together? 
 I mean, clearly a psychiatrist is something different because that's about, you know, getting the drugs. But how are those two similar or dissimilar? 

 Angeline | 18:01
I think that they're similar. My training is in psychotherapy which is just literally understand, you know, Psyche is the brain and how we think and feel. 
 So I think psychology is the same. We study people like Freud, obviously, and Carl Jung and Carl Rogers. I think that no matter which side you're coming from I think everybody studies those type of things but it's just then How? How we work the slight differences in the different types of therapies and how we work with people. I think it's a similar foundation, but I couldn't comment fully on a psychologist because that's not my qualification, but I think it's a similar foundation. 

 Sharlene | 19:03
Excellent. And so this is a talking therapy as opposed to an energetic therapy? 

 Angeline | 19:10
It's a mixture. So we in interpersonal psychotherapy, it's a mixture because we talk about self-care which again is very difficult for some people because it can be selfish. Again, we're thinking about Self-care is not something to do for the sake of it. It's not... 
 Well, you need to do this because it's helpful for somebody else. It's more about asking, If I was to go for that short walk, If I was to go and listen to some music or dancing or art or singing. 
 You know, or go for a coffee with a friend, I might not feel like doing it because depression can be a real thing, especially in relationships. If they're not going well, we can get depressed. And so then we can't be bothered to do anything. And that's a whole thing. There's a reason for that. People feel lazy. They feel... All blame themselves when depression kicks in, but it's not, it's none of those things. It's, the brain's way of slowing us down. But part of interpersonal psychotherapy is gently starting some kind of movement. We know that gets some good chemicals going in the brain. But it's about finding what's going to help you. 
 You know, somebody might go and climb a mountain and feel great after it. So we definitely want to incorporate the physical as much as possible. There's a lot of emphasis on how we think and feel, of course, But we want to, and personally, I sometimes bring up nutrition, but that's more to do with my own personal journey. And I'm not a nutritionist. But again, we know that how important nutrition is to our mental health and the nervous system. 
 So, you know, I will. Touch on it but not i don't declare to be an expert in nudra only from my own And the research that I've done as a result of my own journey. I love that. It's a huge factor. And. 

 Sharlene | 21:29
When people want to work with you, the links that you've shared with us will be in the show notes in the show description. But what's the best way to reach out to you? 

 Angeline | 21:38
I mean... I'm on, so email is good. Most people come through the counseling directory. That's a professional thing. Governing body really, you have to be qualified in order to be registered on the counseling directory in the UK here. And so that's quite a good way because you can look on profiles and you can look on other people's profiles as well, you know, to try and find somebody who might who fits what you need. And so counseling directory, if you just Google counseling directory UK, that's probably the best way to be fair. 

 Sharlene | 22:16
I love it. I love it. 
 So we'll make sure those links are in the show notes in the show description. If you're listening today and you're a survivor of family and or domestic violence, reach out to us at Healing Through Love. We have pamper days, think day spas on steroids here in Australia, but in all of the other states in Australia. And now since 2023, we are all over the world. 
 So reach out to us and we'll connect you to your local pamper day. We would love to have you in our presence. Proximity for that it's been wonderful to have a conversation with you angelina it's been fabulous thank you so much and just in final words of wisdom what are your final words of wisdom to our beautiful audience today. 

 Angeline | 22:59
I think that we need to embrace our individuality and celebrate our quirks and be Think about how we speak to ourselves. Hugely important. We really are. Beautiful. Whoever you are. Don't feel inferior to anyone else. Your experiences may have made you believe that. But, you know, I would say start focusing on you and build your strength back up. Really focus it on you. Find a trusted friend. If you're not safe in the situation you're in, reach out to somebody who you trust. And just believe, even if you don't believe it now, but start to question actually. Why? Why am I not as good as the next person? Why is that true? Start to question that. 

 Sharlene | 23:54
I love it. That's a goodbye from us at Healing Through Love and a goodbye from Angeline. Bye for now. 

 Outro | 24:03
Thank you for joining us for this episode of Healing Through Love. You can get further resources See the show notes or simply reach out to us via our website at htlaustralia.org. Thanks so much for joining us and we look forward to your company next time on the Healing Through Love podcast.